jafer
Fuhq
Leticia
Matt
Sunny
Female, taken, fire, Sagittarius, Monkey, Toronto, two kids, one grandson, IT.
55
is the new 30. I want the world to close their mouths when they’re eating or chewing gum. If they don’t, I want to elbow them in the face. Got the Baldness
I don’t seem to be writing too often but that’s probably because I had so many other websites deleted cuz someone somehow had virused them, and when I tried to get the back-up, I was told that the virus was there even then. So I guess I haven’t remembered that I still had this one, in a different spot, so this one is ok. Problem is: I can’t put my pictures on here cuz they’re someplace else – can’t have the two related.
Anyway, I did get the baldness from the radiation. On one side of my head there’s a big round baldness above my ear. Starts up by the temple and goes down maybe about 2-inches behind my ear. Gives a big view of those biopsy stitches/staples in front of my ear and above – around 4-inches long and ookey looking. This is based on the size of the radiation machine.
The other side has two baldness circles but smaller above the ear and around, then linking to a bigger circle of baldness on the back of my head, right side. Looks like a little bridge between those two circles – friends called it a crop circle look and they’re right 
I gotta say that this radiation really dries out the skin on your head. I actually have a scab where my (scar side) left ear joins my head. Feels like I have a cut there that’s scabbing up all the time, even after I put cream on it. The good news is that the radiation finishes next week *woohoo!*. That’s probably around the same time that I’ll be finished by chemo pills, which I imagine means I’ll stop feeling pukey and can also stop taking the anti-nausea pills. I look forward to that timing. Unfortunately, I will always be on the Dilantin still, to ensure? that I’m not having the seizures. So much for ever getting my driver’s licence back (big fucking liars with the 6 months+1 year – means never having license back).
In my Friday doctor’s appointment, that doctor told me that I’ll get 6 weeks off from having to take anything. Apparently after that I’ll be set up to take the chemo pills at 5 per month. Don’t know how that works since every month doesn’t have 5 weeks, but I guess I’ll find out. I’ll also be scheduled for another MRI after the 6 weeks to see if what was there is gone or if there’s some brand new stuff. What a treat that will be.
Since they said I had ‘terminal brain cancer’, when does that 15 months you said I’d live, be started? Is it from July 29th when you found the cancer? I was told that 15 months started after my radiation. Well then, 15 months is such a longer time since it’s now November… gave me an extra 5 months.
Problem there is that I told them that I’d read online about 14 months, read about the average being 11.2 months. So I was told then that ‘oh yes, it could be either of those’. I hope that the spreading of 15 months does not turn into 4 months like they told me I’d have if I didn’t take chemo and radiation.
So after this big long post, I guess I should just stop thinking about it all again. Go make a tea, think about having something for breakfast cuz that’s due before the chemo pills or 1 hour after I take them. Good thing is that I can eat whatever I eat and not gain weight (not that I eat a lot, maybe as much as I used to eat) – I’ve lost about 30 pounds, don’t seem to gain any weight. Problem with losing is that it tells me my ‘boobal area’ was the fattest… not any more. Had to try all my bras to see if they fit, some did so I could keep. Some didn’t, so bye-bye. Bought new ones, just like I bought a smaller sized pants, jeans – lots of jeans since I’m not working.
Alright already, I’m going to make another tea.
Lazy Bugger that I Am
Ok, writing something again – about a month later than the last one. There’s been quite a bunch of business over the last month, one of them being that I sold my new car since they updated me on not being able to have a license for at least the 6 months, plus a year, and who knew whether they’d be making it longer after that, so I didn’t want my car to get bad by just sitting there and got rid of it. That was one of the biggest ‘hurt’ steps in my life, so it meant a lot to me.
Other than just ignoring that as much as I can, in the last month I have started the chemo and the radiation. The first day of that had me puking every 15 minutes after radiation, so I had a first-day phone call going in to them to find out how I’d get rid of that (it wasn’t looking good on the subway home) and they said the next day I could pick up a new anti-nausea prescription. The new one worked perfectly. Nothing happening afterwards.
All the stuff I have to go to the hospital for is, of course, on different times. So I can’t even have my alarm clock set everyday for the same time cuz I have to go check out the time the night before so I can arrange the time to get up to take the anti-nausea (two hours before the next set) and then the chemo (one hour before the radiation).
I did call about getting the volunteers from the Cancer Society who take you down to the hospital and pick you up. Did it mostly because it’s said that within a few weeks I will get a ‘fatigued’ bodily reaction. I also thought it would be good because I was told that I had to make sure I didn’t pick up on anyone else’s sickness because it would more easily affect by body due to all the weakness it’s made to have on the pills, chemo and radiation.
However, the possibility of being driven and taken home by the volunteers is apparently only certified as possible days here or there. I was told not to expect anything today or tomorrow, and because the Friday one was late, my snookey drove me down so I wouldn’t be late for my appointment and got a $60 ticket cuz he couldn’t find parking. What a dream. So I don’t know what I’m feeling or thinking about the support being offered to me. I don’t find it overly supportive if I have to take the TTC again and make myself more available to any other sicknesses being carried there.
Since they told me that baldness would kick in, I had my hair shaved off cuz I figured the baldness by my temporal lobe would be less obvious looking. The baldness hasn’t started yet so I’m still wondering when to expect it. One strange thing I’ve found during radiation is that a lot of the women taking it, are taking it for breast cancer, and they are totally bald. I understood that radiating my brain cancer would cause baldness parts, I totally didn’t understand why the women with breast cancer ended up totally bald. So I guess I’m not getting why the radiation would make ‘breast people’ bald, especially when it’s radiating totally different parts. I certainly don’t understand most of life.
Anyway, enough about me and my complaints. Perhaps I’ll just shut up a bit more and relax. Isn’t there some dancing show on TV tonight? I think that’s one of the few things I watch (cuz I can’t find anything else that I like on the same nights).
Happy Pirate Day Everyone
I got this day into my desktop calendar, so obviously I’m remembering it *yarr*.
I’m still staying at home, I should do some laundry today, cuz I’ve got a bunch of laundry to do. I hate to wake up my snookey this early though, even though he said ‘yes, we should go at 7:30′. I’ll see if he wakes up at 10:00 and we’ll go, or go to breakfast and then go.
I had some weird stuff going on after my biopsy – one of them was being back in the hospital. At the day after the biopsy I ended up not being able to speak – or speak any words I was thinking of speaking. Had the ambulance again taking me off to Emergency and upstairs for a few days. My speech came back perfectly the next day – the day after it got here and there. I notice now that some of the words I’m trying to think of go missing and a different word comes out – which is great, I seem so different
I was on a shitload of pills, about 15 a day, the amount changes over a few days so now it’s less. I did have something I’m told is Percoset, although that’s not what the prescription was called. That was supposed to look after any headaches (which were quite strong) and it did. I was almost out of them and called the drug store to get a repeat. Then I was told that can’t happen til they hear from the doctor (when he’s there after the weekend), especially considering it’s a narcotic.
Great. I was scared shitless of becoming addicted to a narcotic but also scared shitless that I’d end up with the headaches again and unable to sleep. For some reason I feel really scared at night now; day time seems good to me. I also have moments of some kind of deja vu that also puts me into some big scary headspace with a bunch of shaking going on in my body. My snookey hugs me threw that one, but one of the doctors tells me that would be my ‘seizure’ except the pills I’m on saves it and changes it to something else so I won’t have a seizure. I don’t know about you, but I feel like I could like a seizure more than I like a scary thing.
Anyway, for the past few days I have seemed a little healthier. My mouth would hardly open after the biopsy, so I could only eat smushed stuff. The max opening was about a finger’s width – now it’s up to almost two tight finger widths so I could probably eat something else (not a hamburger).
I’ve lost some weight, which I like, but I would have preferred if it would lose more off my stomach than off the rest of me. I suppose the stomach’s not that big so I shouldn’t complain, but I’d like my body to do stuff I’d like. Clothes I’ve bought in a smaller size are now seeming bigger as well, so maybe after we do laundry everything will get smaller.
I don’t see the surgeon til the 26th, so I assume at that time he tells me when we start the radiation and chemotherapy for this special ‘glioma’. I heard that stuff makes you really pukey, but I met with a woman who had a treatment like that (not for the same stuff) and she didn’t get sick, so I’m hoping for that.
I’d also be happy if this thing kills off the cancer/tumour so I no longer have to take the non-seizure pills – and then am allowed to be driving again, of course. I can’t stand not being able to drive. I’d like to be back to who I am (who was not too scary feeling). Whether I get sick from therapy or not, maybe I’ll end up good. I hear a future of radiation twice a day, 5 days a week for 7 weeks. Sounds pretty busy to me and a helluva lot of hospital parking money.
Anyway, I’ll yap again about my big whining.