I don’t know about you, but I’m not one of those ‘before we go to bed’ kind of having sex people. As a matter of fact, it’s more likely to be in the early evening that I have sex. That’s before any beer can be consumed, before I’m trying to get myself tired for conking right out.

I don’t want to revive myself before I go to sleep. When I go to bed at night, that’s all I want – sleep. And I feel damned lucky if I go to bed and get right to sleep.

While I realize that having sex can make you more relaxed, and it seems to work for guys – puts them right out. I’m still not into it. Then I’d have to go to bed at 10:00 or something just so we’d be able to get to sleep at our normal bedtime.

I don’t see the benefits. When’s your favourite time to have sex? You can tell me… I won’t tell anyone.

10 days after my birthday, I finally got that birthday boink out of the way. Work, work, work, it’s all I ever do.

And it was a bit strange too, because my daughter was home, so I kind of felt like we were teenagers, sneaking off into the other room. But if not now, when? Come on now, I didn’t want to be waiting for the new year to have my 2008 dreams fulfilled, did I? Actually she was out when we first had our discussion, so we thought we had the evening to ourselves – and we were wrong.

Anyway, that’s about all I had to talk about this evening. Oh, look, it’s not even 7:00 pm. What about everyone else? Do you happen to boink when your kids are around? I don’t usually, I usually wait til we’re alone, but WTF, now and then you need a little more freedom.

That’s what I’d be doing if I tried to write now… stinking up the place. I’ve got no time.

I spent my night making a necklace – haven’t finished it off but it’s made except for the finish. Now I’ve got to go out, after all, it’s my TV night. *woohoo, Thursdays!*

Ugly Betty, Earl, The Office, there may even be something on after those, I just don’t remember. We’ll yak tomorrow. Or maybe I’ll be getting laid tomorrow (don’t picture it). My daughter said she’s going out somewhere (again, who remembers?).

Time to TV.

Look what we bought last night. I had to. I could not take yet another year of sleeping in the living room because the bedroom is too hot, so we got ourselves one of those portable air conditioners.

It was a good price… about $400 with tax. I’ve only ever seen them for about $700, so my snookey and I went halfsies on this, so only $200 each.

And let me tell you, it’s fabulous, dahlings, simply fabulous. We slept in there last night with it on and I had the ‘bestest ever’ cool sleep in a comfy bed. I’m feeling so good about it that I think I’ll just have to get me some tonight. My honey would like that, he looks forward to our bi-monthly get-togethers. You think I’m joking.

Today I had the rest of my spa day where I went for the manicure and pedicure instead of the one-hour massage. That was much better for me. Who needs a massage?

So my nails are looking great and the polish I chose for my hands was so nice that I had to buy some of it, you know, for touch ups when it starts chipping off (two days later based on my last experience with a manicure).

See? Tonight I’m just going to be the sexiest looking beast you’ve ever seen; beast being the operative word here.

Gotta go get ready now. Soon I’ll have some company. You’re jealous, I know you are. Now I bet you’re just gonna go pop that sex idea into someone else’s head just to see if you can get you some too. Go ahead, it never hurts to try.

Yes, I picked up my beautiful car last night after coughing up $325 cash. That was for the coil spring – which apparently took a lot of work to get off, they ended up cutting through it to get it off – and for the new front brakes.

Apparently the front brakes had a quick fix on them (probably from the dealer I bought it from) that was totally inappropriate. I’m sure it was just some quick fix because the car needed a brake job but they were trying to sell it and didn’t want it squeaking or anything and did what they had to do for everything to ‘seem’ ok.

It had to be the sellers because I haven’t had a brake job since I’ve had the car unless somebody putting on my snow tires decided to fuck up my brakes. Somehow I can’t see that happening.

I had been waiting for my beautiful car to drive beautifully with the new coil spring and the new brakes but when I got it started, I just found it to be “eh”. It didn’t seem too much different than before, other than the fact that my brakes feel higher now.

Since today was our big snow storm in Toronto (didn’t really turn into much – so far), I was happy to be back in my car with my snow tires. Boy you could really feel the snow tires driving along in all that snow this morning.

And speaking of this morning, Happy Valentine’s Day! My honey gave me my presents: a card, a box of Lindors and a spa day. I’ve never been on a spa day before. I’m looking forward to it. A massage, a manicure, a whatever the hell else it said on that card… that will be a nice little treat for special me.

Tonight I was planning the valentine boink but then I remembered that an electrician is supposed to be coming to look at our dining room light which isn’t working at all. So I guess once he leaves, we’ll have to have a little sumpin sumpin to celebrate St. Valentine. Isn’t that how all good Christians honour their saints – by fornication, oral gratification, and gift giving?

I did, you didn’t. Ha, ha. Enough said.

I was just sitting here, taking off and experimenting with some plugins when, for some reason, I thought, “hey! Let’s go to Aren’t We Naughty right up around Yonge & Sheppard. My honey said, “nah, let’s go tomorrow”, and then, I guess, came to his senses and said, “do you think they’re still open?” – it was 5:00.

I said, “sure they’re open, it’s only 5:00. I don’t want to go tomorrow”, and so we headed off there to the sex store.

So I bought these underwear. Let me say they don’t cover a lot (don’t picture me, you’ll have that image burnt upon your brain for years to come) but I bought them anyway. And while we were there I picked up this silicone gel stuff because it felt really good and not sticky.

So now that I have no sex drive, I’m going out and buying sex stuff. WyTF not? Maybe that’ll give me a sex drive. Tomorrow I’ll be busy. Not tonight, we rented Lucky Number Slevin and I intend to drink copious amounts of beer and smoke cigarette after cigarette til we quit on Monday.

That’s my weekend in a nutshell ← no sexual innuendos here. Stop it, you’re making me ill.

I headed down to our baseball game for tonight, but the rain showers that were expected today finally started at about 4:00 this afternoon.

Most of our team showed up (for a change) but we all just stood there in the rain, wondering whether we could play in it. It wasn’t raining hard at first, then it got harder, then it eased up – so we probably could have had some semblance of a game, albeit a wet one, but the other team only had their outfielders there who didn’t want to go sliding across the grass. So, no game.

Next week we’ve got a bye/buy (I don’t know how you spell it when referring to baseball – or what it stands for other than we don’t play), so our team isn’t getting too much time to gel. Considering that we have a bunch of new people this year (and some of the bunch are not too damned good), we should be getting as much baseball time as we can; especially considering we’ve played like crap so far.

Anyway, I finally got home about 6:45 and I’m just having a tea. When I finish that I’m gonna get laid cuz I can’t remember the last time that happened. Since my daughter’s here this weekend I better get to it while we have the opportunity. Things have been so busy lately. I know, you’re saying, “you’re never too busy for sex”, but you’d be wrong. Yes, busy, mood, tiredness, I guess if I were 20 they wouldn’t factor in, but since I’m close to 50, they do.

Time for me to get myself in “a mood” since so far this is all pretty organized, non-spontaneous, and mechanical. I could surf the net *wink, wink*. Uhoh, maybe I should have dinner first so my stomach’s not growling. Oh, I don’t have time for that – maybe later. Ok, don’t bother me any more, I’ve got work to do.

Ok, picture this… you and your ball and chain say to yourselves, “hey, it’s been way too long since we’ve seen any action… honey, I’m naked! C’mere!” Or something to that effect because due to extenuating circumstances, or people always being in your house, or shopping, engagements, whatever… it must be a month.

You’re all alone and feeling like the scamps that you are, getting ‘busy’ when all of a sudden, in the midst of things, you hear this Muzak-y rendition of Fur Elis. And not even the whole song, but just the first two lines over and over again.

The sound fades, the sound gets louder. The sound fades. The sound gets louder and even louder. You don’t know WTF is causing this stinking music and it kinda puts you out of “a mood”, but you trudge along, doing your duty, cuz Christ knows it’s been a month, hasn’t it?

The next night you hear the music again, only this time it is an unrecognizable tune. Louder, softer, louder, yada yada.

What is the sound you ask? What is this maddening, crap music? Well, it’s a farging ice cream truck with a wide array of little ditties to choose from. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate when you keep singing along in your head with the first two lines of a song?

Myself? I’m one of those people who can’t have the music on when I’m getting me some. If I do I start singing along with it (in my head, words and all); I can’t help it. And if I’m singing in my head, I’m not singing anywhere else.

So from now on, timing is everything.

I’m looking forward to The Office. I had a whole week so far with nothing to watch on TV, so tonight there’s finally two shows… Earl and The Office.

It was a fairly boring day for me. I know, I’m saying that as if it’s something different than usual, but when I say boring, I mean *yawn*. Other than the fact that I just got laid, there was nothing else exciting.

I started the day with the leg shaving (okay, legs). Let’s just say that my legs were looking a tad like this girl’s crotch and armpits (I also shaved my armpits).

I won’t even tell you how long it’s been since I shaved my legs. I can’t tell you, I can’t remember, it’s been that long. I think the razor is toast from that one shave.

Let’s just say that there’s quite a difference now. I think my honey likes it rough – you know, that razor burn stuff. I shouldn’t say that. He likes it soft and furry too. Oh, who am I kidding, he likes it any way as long as he’s getting some.

Other than that all I did was to go pick up some groceries. Christ we go through groceries like crazy in this house. It seems like every day I’m coming home with some more stuff.

We had some fish and salad for dinner. I actually weighed a pound less this morning than I did the last time I weighed myself, so that’s a good kind of motivation for sticking with the WW. Maybe when I go to the WW meeting on Saturday I’ll actually have lost instead of gained weight. I can only hope. Otherwise I might as well be drinking a shitload of beer.

So that’s all I have to say. I’ve gotta go ‘watch me some television’. Luckily, some new shows start next week.

Finally picked up my new and improved computer last night around 8:00. I didn’t do a helluva lot with it then (cuz The Donald was on last night).

So today I spent my time installing. Not nearly even half of what I’ll be putting on here, and no games yet except for Zuma and that works just fine.

Perhaps now I can put on Doom 3, Half Life 2, Painkiller, FEAR and Splinter Cell and have none of them crash on me since I have so much room on my new C: drive.

I know, I know, that doesn’t mean I’ll play the games any better, but perhaps they won’t crash *woohoo*.

I got the cordless mouse and keyboard set up now. It’s very difficult to have a regular keyboard and mouse on top of your cordless just to try to get things started.

I got the drawing tablet and printer set up – not the camera and webcam yet. I installed Photoshop Elements and was trying to use that, like PSP, but for some reason when you choose a fill in your selection, it puts in this default colour fill. I don’t know how the fuck that works. I only have that program because it came with my drawing tablet. So I’ll have to redo my PSP 9 first, since you have to install that in order to install the PSP X.

What a waste of space. I hate when you buy those fricking upgrades that force you to have a previous version on your computer. Adobe does that a lot. I had to do that with Illustrator and Photoshop before. And now Corel does it too. Assholes.

So I’ve got another day filled with installs tomorrow.

And tonight, even though I never get any calls, I got two calls in a row. I wasn’t answering the phone because, why?, I was getting laid. I was trying to ignore the phone but, noooooooo, he had to call back again since no one answered the first time.

It was my son. He needed to ask me about borrowing my car. My son said that he would not be here tonight… hence the action on our parts. Oh, but that wasn’t true, now was it?

I ended up phoning back the number on the phone, which is how I found out who it was. And why the fuck do people have to phone right back if they get no answer? If there’s no answer, perhaps people are out. Or perhaps they’re busy doing something *wink wink*.

But you can guarantee that the only fricking time I get a phone call is if I’m doing something I like, like watching Judge Judy, or The Donald, or getting laid. Was it good for you? Sure, up until the time that the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.

And have I also told you that I can’t haven zee sexen if there’s music playing? Cuz I start singing along with the music. Yes, I think I’ve mentioned that before.

Ha, ha… I did, you didn’t . Enough said about that.

Today I installed the Microsoft 2003 Office Professional suite. Wow is that huge. I’ve only got about 12 gigs left free on my C: drive.

I also installed Microsoft One Note. Never used it, never even heard of it til today. I wonder if it’s something similar to Lotus Notes, only Microsoft’s answer. Having never used Lotus Notes either, I wouldn’t know that answer.

After the install I tried my new version of Word only to get a message that I’d have to get rid of my Adobe Acrobat because version 5 isn’t supported with this version of Office. Apparently there were some security bugs in that one and so I uninstalled it and ordered version 7 – I should have it by tomorrow.

So I had a few installs. I feel all up-to-date now.

I also received an Air Miles card today too. See… life isn’t all bad. Today was almost like shopping with a whole bunch of new things arriving in my mailbox. The mailman even hand-delivered the stuff to my door since it was too big to fit in the mailbox.

I’ve never had an Air Miles card before. And I didn’t take it because I have plans to travel. I don’t. But I can get some points for free car washes and stuff like that when I buy my gas at Shell. It’s the only gas station where I didn’t have some kind of card, so I got it.

There’s a new show on Thursdays called The Law Firm (I think) and we’ve watched it for a couple of weeks now. It’s a reality show, something like The Apprentice, only with real lawyers having to try real cases for some famous lawyer – I forget his name. So that’s my plan for tonight.

After being so bored with my games, and listening to Minna showing off about level 9 on Zuma, I found my Painkiller CD and played that again this afternoon. Now I’m up to a really hard level on that again. Games… can they just be fun and something easy for me to win at?

So I’m just gearing down now and I’m gonna go watch me some TV. Life is good.

Y’know, I haven’t gotten laid in a while. I guess you know that cuz you haven’t seen me writing about it, have you now?

My honey’s got a big cold sore – you know, big herpes face. I won’t go near him when he gets a cold sore, cuz I don’t want to catch it. If I caught it, I’d be bound to have it last for months at a time.

He gets it when he’s stressed. And this time… not only did he get one, but as that one started clearing up, he got another one on the other side. Then he got something on the other side again and wasn’t sure if it was herpes or not, but we were playing it safe.

So, it’s been weeks (maybe months, who can remember?). Not that I’m minding, after all it’s so stinking hot here in the big TO that our air conditioner is not even cold.

I’m calling an air conditioner guy tomorrow to see if someone can come out and check it. We checked the fuses tonight to see about putting the other air conditioner into my daughter’s room and what we found was that ALL the bedrooms and the computer room are on the same stinking fuse. So we can’t do it.

What the hell kinda planning is that? All rooms on one fuse? What if someone wanted to put lights, tvs, computers, fans, radios, phones, laminators, into those rooms? Assholes. Now we have to call in the electrician to see what “fuse #4″ is for – we can take it out and it doesn’t turn off anything.

Speaking of air conditioners, I had my casual interview this morning. What does that have to do with air conditioning? Nothing, really. But didn’t it sound like a good segueway?

The interview (from an air conditioned Starbucks – see, I worked it in) went really well, but so what? She was just the HR person doing the screening for them. Then she gave me the ad and it said “Mac environment” and I thought, “oh ya, I remember that” … I remember thinking that I’d have no problem switching into a Mac environment.

I probably wouldn’t. I’m pretty good with that kinda stuff. But it did make me nervous thinking about how much this woman seemed to like me for the job, and, really, how would I do on a totally different operating system?

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Maybe I’ll buy a book (on my very stressed credit card). There, there, now, now, Visa card, don’t be going and getting a big herpes face on me.

Ok, so other than doing the wild thing half an hour ago, I went to Costco and got a new microwave.

I bought it cuz it matches our other appliances on that counter. But it also grills… good for those times that you cook something in the oven just because it makes it crispy and browns it.

So for dinner we’re gonna have some hamburgers and try the combination microwave/grilling feature. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Hamburgers.

I’m starving. My stomach is growling away like crazy. I ate some toast this morning and that’s about it for the day. And I only had 3 coffees from Tim’s, so even that was not enough to stop this growling.

I don’t know about you, but Saturdays are the days that we get laid most often – on the weekends when my daughter’s not here. Doesn’t it seem to be a relaxing day where you can take your time and do whatever the hell you want and still have time for sex?

That’s what it’s like for me. Especially when he’s not home. It seems like all I think about is him ‘getting home’. I guess we’re in a Saturday rut. I think my honey now expects me to jump him when he walks in the door. And rut or not (no pun intended), it’s just the way it always works. I don’t think he minds the rut, which is lucky for me.

Tonight I rented Primer (I think). Never heard of it, but there didn’t seem to be too many options available. I almost rented two other movies that I’d also never heard of but went with this one cuz it sounded like it could be eerie.

BTW – for those who were guessing about which glub was mine? Everyone who said green was wrong. Mine is the orange (you should have guessed that since my previous one was red). The green one is mine too, but I always give that to my honey to use. No new cars were injured in the making of that poll.

UPDATE: The new microwave works great. I cooked two hamburgers on the combo2 – microwave/grill option – and they turned out perfectly (I just guessed at the time, based on what they had for grilling in the oven). None of that staring at it under the broiler. Harvey’s, look out.

So as soon as I took off the Spam Karma, guess which spammer put two more comments right up there? Well they’re not getting by me – so fuck right off, spam karma or not. I will figure out how to optimally work that and put it back on.

So I didn’t realize that I spent so little time writing on the weekend. That’s partly because I spent most of my weekend getting laid. Yes, boys and girls, we old-timers get all the action.

Can I tell you how farging out of shape I must be? My arms were sore. I could hardly lift my arm to scratch my back. And my left leg was sore. I had trouble putting on one shoe this morning.

Don’t ask me what that’s all about, except I guess I better get back on those weight machines and get some damned exercise.

Oh, I didn’t tell you, I contacted Bally cuz I figured I’d cancel my membership since I never use it. I asked to speak to someone about cancelling and the woman said I could speak to her.

She said, “why do you want to cancel?”
I said, “because I’m not using it.”
She: “Well you can only cancel if you’re moving or have a doctor’s note stating that you can’t use the facilities”.
Me: “Fine then… I’m moving.”
She: “Then you need to show something with your new address and prove that it’s 42km away from the closest Bally’s.”
Me: “Oh for crying out loud, is there a penalty to pay for cancelling or something? I want to cancel! I’m not using it!”
She: “Well you can call the head office and see what they say… here’s the number… ”

Do you believe that I CAN’T cancel this stupid thing? It makes me want to go use it (since I’m paying for it).

Back to computers: I’ve got a lot of my stuff reinstalled and all the games are working *woohoo*. I’ve put on Half Life 2, Painkiller, Doom 3, and all of them work. They weren’t all working before this, so I’m happy.

One thing I have noticed though, is that I keep setting my toolbars in programs and in XP and none of the settings seem to stick. If I change the taskbar properties, the next time I reboot they’re back to the way they were. Same with PSP, which I just installed tonight. And some of my plugin programs won’t work… pisses me off since I paid for them.

Anyway, that’s just part of my day. I have yet to reinstall my printer, camera, sandisk reader, and I’m sure a bunch of other stuff, but I’m getting there. I didn’t have a dvd/cd burner program on either so I installed Nero. Boy did that suck, so I bought a new program last night.

Tonight I did a back up of all those downloaded program files I’ve never backed up and always freaked about losing. Stupid me I backed that folder up on CD, which took 5 CDs. My next backup was on DVD and I had a shitload of stuff copied on there. I may just redo the Downloads folder one of these days (except it takes so long since the dvd speed is so slow).

I’m just about all backed up and all programmed up. But I’m not gonna get laid again til tomorrow. We need a little mystery in our lives. And perhaps some bodily recuperation.

I know, you’re saying to yourself, “why the hell is she getting laid on a Tuesday?” and you’re right… it’s not a normal getting laid day. But the beauty of that is that there is no ‘normal getting laid day’. And besides, we’ve been busy.

I had a busy day today and then we stopped to pick up a few groceries, and American Idol is on at 8:00 – I thought it was on at 9:00. So we didn’t have a lot of time to do things we might like to do.

As a matter of fact, I don’t have time to write anything else cuz I only have 4 minutes to American Idol. I’m told it was on last night. I didn’t see it. Instead we sat around yakking for crying out loud.

I better go. Write something interesting will ya?