Those of you who have known me for years now will remember the whole ‘biological dad’ story of my life, those who haven’t can read here.
My new dad called me to invite me for a coffee. I suspected that was because he said he’d keep in touch by calling me on my birthdays.
So I met him at Coffee Time on Wednesday evening and was telling him where the Tim’s was (hate Coffee Time lame-ass coffee) when he invited me to dinner instead. I accepted, especially since I’m only going to hear from him once a year on (or around) my birthday.
We had a nice talk where he reiterated some of the things he’d told me about in our last meetings and I just felt like I was getting to know him a bit since I haven’t known him for 50+ years.
I suppose it’s nice to know that I actually have a father (albeit absentee) but I found myself wanting to tell him about the big pain I felt over my “dad” dying (post here). I didn’t, I didn’t want to offend him in any perceived way, and I don’t know why since he wasn’t ever a dad to me, but I didn’t.
There is no fucking way in hell that this man will ever in my heart get even close to becoming a father to me the way that Ernie was to me, even though I’m sure that Ernie never considered himself that.
Once again it reminds me of how much I loved Ernie and considered him my own dad. I hope that my real dad, with his annual visits and gifts of dinner and money for my birthday can have any impact on my life. It almost feels as if he’s infringing on Ernie’s time with me. I sometimes feel that I should be mad about the fact that he was an absentee father for 50+ years and now all of a sudden he’s around, but I don’t, and I do understand how unwanted pregnancies can make a man run – especially in the days where you weren’t stuck with child support payments for a child you never wanted.
I’d like to know the new dad and his family. I don’t know if I’ll have much chance of that and I’ll appreciate anything I get. However, I’ll say it again… I loved you, Ernie. Thanks for being there.