I was Out
Last night we went to pick up a filing cabinet that a girl from work was giving us for free. Perfect since my little cabinet is mostly full of my stuff and I was giving the bottom drawer to my honey, but that’s not nearly enough space for him.
Unfortunately, I thought she had said it was a lateral cabinet, but it’s not. It’s just a really really deep single cabinet, but that should give him lots of room to put all his files in.
That thing was heavy, let me tell ya. It’s an old, old metal kind – made to last forever, not like the shit you buy these days (like mine which tips over if you pull the top drawer out completely). We had to take out the drawers in order to lift it into the car.
It was so stinking cold last night I kept running into the apartment lobby to warm up while my honey and the woman’s boyfriend kept working on getting the cabinet into the trunk. I cannot believe that I was that cold wearing a fur coat. I should have had on two in order to get the chill out of me. Then when I got home I snuggled up on the couch with a quilt over myself only to get boiling hot about 5 minutes later. WTF is that about? Oh, I guess we know what’s coming with that one.
So today I’m feeling in a little pissy mood. I think that’s mostly because I want a fucking cigarette. Here we are into our fifth week and all I could think about today was having a smoke. Even while I was at work, where I’m used to not smoking, I was thinking about having a smoke.
And I had the kinda mood today that said, “fuck it. I want a cigarette. I’m going to go buy some. Fuck quitting. I want to smoke”. The thing is, I didn’t buy any (not that I still don’t want to) but I did ask my honey to go out and get me another box of patches. I was all out for tomorrow and that’ll be the start of my 2nd week of step 2. I at least have to have those if I can’t have a stinking cigarette.
So that’s the non-excitement going on around my house. I sit here thinking of all the times I just wasted a cigarette away… lit one up and just rested it in the ashtray only to have it burn away and I’d have to light another one. What a waste. If only I had all those wasted cigarettes right now.
Oh what am I saying. Right now I could live without one. No, I’d like one. Ok, I’m off and on. I don’t really need one at the moment. But in a minute or two I’ll probably feel like one again.
Ok, I’m not harping on the smoking shit. Cuz I’m a non-smoker. Actually, I guess I’m a smoker trapped in a non-smoker’s body right now. This crap should end.
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jafer
Fuhq
Leticia
Matt
Sunny
Female, taken, fire, Sagittarius, Monkey, Toronto, two kids, one grandson, IT.
55
is the new 30. I want the world to close their mouths when they’re eating or chewing gum. If they don’t, I want to elbow them in the face.
Hang in there! If you made to week five, you can hold out a bit longer.