No Job For You
Yes, I heard back about the job I had applied for at the two-month place and they told me I didn’t get the job. Apparently the guy was “pursuing another candidate”. Pursue this you fuckhead. I could have done that job blindfolded, and the only bad thing is that I don’t get to say, ‘told ya’, because the guy will never know what he missed. Oh well. I didn’t really expect to get it, I was just hoping to get it so I’d have 9 months more employment.
In news elsewhere, when I was at my aunt’s the other day, she gave me some pictures. I had told her that I was about 24 years old the first time I had ever seen a picture of my father, and she had a picture of my father (the same one I had seen – apparently there are not too many pictures of him available from others and my mother had poked his eyes out in any pictures she had).
So this is him. I tried to modify the picture a bit to remove all the scratches from the image, but this is about the best I could do.
Apparently this picture is from their wedding day. I can look at the guy and see my eyes in his. He looks like a friendly-enough guy but then I’ll never know. He and my mother split up when I was a baby and I had no contact with him my entire life. As a matter of fact my mother told me he was dead, so imagine my surprise when I was around 12 years old and family friends told me that he had died when I was about 8 or 9.
I cannot believe the total disregard my mother had for her child. Would it have been ok to leave a picture around in a picture album that she never had to look at so that her daughter could at least know what her father looked like? Didn’t even know when he died – virtual strangers knew more than I did about him.
This was a picture of my mother in her 20s – before I was born, so I know that she was younger than 28. Perhaps it’s from her wedding day too, but then she looks like she’s wearing some summer ‘frock’ in this, so I don’t know and she’s too brain-dead to ask. She’d probably tell me it was her neighbour or something.
Now I have no idea if my father had no interest in his offspring and my mother did the ‘right thing’ by keeping me uninvolved with him, but even if that were true, I can’t help but feel hostility towards her about the way she handled things. She could have at least taken me to his funeral since I can remember the time when she was going off to the ‘mysterious stranger’s funeral’.
That was at least a learning experience for me. When I split up with my first husband I kept his pictures, not because I gave a flying farg about him, but so my son could see what his father looked like and hear whatever stories went along with those pictures. And I never said a bad word about his dad. I never gave my son a dose of reality until he was an adult, and then I actually let him know (when he asked) about some of the things that went on. Still not bashing, cuz who gives a shit, I just wanted him out of my life, but more to give my son some insight into the person his dad was and maybe explain why I had left him.
Anyway, enough about the parenthood shit and who did wrong and who did right. That’s life, I guess.
This is the newest addition to the jafer stuffed animal family. Ok, ok, that’s only 4 stuffed animals for me. This one is named Andy. Why Andy? Cuz that’s my honey’s name, and this is my honey.
He’s got a big nose (like my honey’s always saying about his nose). He’s got a whole bunch of really soft, furry white hair. And he’s got a little cushion for a belly, just like my snookey.
He was at the tuck shop at the home where my mother lives when I was there the other day and he was the only one like this. I wanted him but he was $10 and I thought it was an unnecessary expense.
Then some guy came in and bought a bear and a candle (I thought it was my bear and I kinda freaked, thinking my sweet little bear was gone). At that point I decided I was gonna buy it. Then my aunt said, if you want it, I’ll buy it for you as your Christmas present. I said, “ok”, and she bought it for me.
End of stories, boys and girls. This Andybear sits on the tray beside my monitor where I can see him all the time and be reminded of my Andy (who I usually can only see peeking out from his monitor, over my monitor). I’m not a total basket case. I’ll intersperse bear hugs with real hugs. I’m such a big fucking mushhead.
Did you enjoy this post? Why not leave a comment below and continue the conversation, or subscribe to my feed and get articles like this delivered automatically to your feed reader.
idiotonastick
Minna
Dave Barker
I used Moneris for over two years. I recently terminated due to a merchant compliance requiremen t – Moneris began...
Maria
just another
Female, taken, fire, Sagittarius, Monkey, Toronto, two kids, one grandson, IT.
55
is the new 30. I want the world to close their mouths when they’re eating or chewing gum. If they don’t, I want to elbow them in the face.
Ok Just for you for christmas, a clue.
Your bear has the name a shortened version of which is my actual name.
My bear is called pilotbear as he has the scarfe and goggles.
Blessed be and happy christmas from BFG.