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Acting 101

I told you that my son wanted to borrow my car yesterday, but I didn’t tell you the theatrics that went along with it.

First off, I let him borrow the car when he first got home cuz he said that he had a job to go to last night and he needed to pick up some new shoes before that. It would be faster if he could borrow my car.

So I said fine, as long as you replace the gas.

He went off up the street where there’s a new bunch o’stores and a couple of shoes stores in there. He came home wearing his new boots, then went off to shower and get ready for his job.

Before he left I wanted his opinion on some cologne pullouts that came with the newspaper and asked him over to smell 3 of them to see which he thought was nicer (I’m thinking nicer for my honey, not for him).

He was cooperative, smelled them all and gave his opinion.

But then, he looked over at the clock. I can’t remember if he said something, like “OMG, is that the time?” or if he was just doing the amazed look of OMG, look at the time.

I ignored that. I knew what that look was for. That was for me to lend him the car again to get to his job. That was the premeditated scene for my sake, so that I would think that he hadn’t budgeted his time properly and now needed my car for him to get to work on time.

I guess since we ignored that look, he went off to do something else and then came back, stood at the door and started with what would have been the how can she resist lending me her car when I phrase it this way plea.

As he started with the, “I know you don’t…. ” little speech, I said, “well have fun tonight, see you later” stuff. That stopped him from his prepared lines and he went off to do something else.

I thought I had handled it all without having to lend my car yet again. But that didn’t stop him. He wandered around doing or getting some other stuff, only to come back to the same spot by the front door, and start with the same lines… “I know you don’t like it when I ask at the last minute, but [borrow] [could I] [do you mind if] [I'm running late]“, whatever the hell the exact words were.

So, of course, I let him borrow the car. Only I re-emphasized that I wanted the gas replaced to the same level it was at now, when we’d put $20 of gas in it the day before.

The reason I re-emphasized is because I let him use it the other day and I only had a quarter of a tank of gas. I told him to replace it, but he also owed me gas from another time he borrowed the car when he was broke.

When I went to the car there was only a quarter of a tank. Where was the gas he owed me from before?

So I feel a little screwed whenever I let my own damn family do something with my stuff, which is why I have qualms about lending my car, even though it will be sitting in the driveway all night.

I got to thinking after he left for work that perhaps he thinks I’m stupid. Perhaps he thinks I didn’t notice the look at the clock; the start of the “can I borrow” speech. Maybe he thinks this stuff goes right over my head, and he’ll never know that I see it all (and try to avoid it all).

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